


Hand-Drawn Nightmare

by lilmaeval



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27634328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilmaeval/pseuds/lilmaeval
Summary: After a long and difficult fight with Hiyori, Jun stomps off back to his dorm room and has a weird dream.
Relationships: Ran Nagisa/Sazanami Jun, Ran Nagisa/Tomoe Hiyori/Sazanami Jun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Hand-Drawn Nightmare

“Jun-han? Yer back early—“

“Sakura-kun, I _really_ don’t want to talk right now.”

Jun brushed off the pink haired first year without a second thought, but felt the regret pile on top of everything else going horrible in his life. Whatever, he’d deal with it later and apologize like a man at some other time. For now, he did not wish to be perceived. Diving under the covers of his bed, he threw the sheets up and over his head, burying his face into the pillow. Footsteps approached, halted, and then went silent.

“Jun-han,” Kohaku addressed softly, “I dunno what’s goin’ on in yer life, but whatever it is, I hope yer able to move past it soon. I’m gonna be headin’ out to give ya some privacy, okay? It don’t seem like ya to act like this, so I won’t hold it against ya either. Feel better.”

The deafening sound of the door closing behind Kohaku churned deep within Jun’s stomach, feeling even worse than he had before. Would it have really taken that much effort to throw off the blanket and apologize? Or even just thank him for being so kind? That kid was more mature at fifteen than Jun was now at eighteen, and it only served to make Jun feel like less than a child. He really was an ungrateful person, wasn’t he? Closing his eyes, the prior scenes from the day played on in Jun’s head without permission, stabbing into him like a sharp blade harder and faster each time. Not even drifting off could save him from his mistakes.

🐈

“...-ake up.”

“...”

“...Wake-up, nyan.”

Opening amber eyes to a blue sky that looked more akin to a scribble he’d drawn as a child, Jun blinked a few times before sitting up, finding himself sitting on a hill. The grass beneath him was soft and breezy, although he didn’t feel any wind. Trees looking out into the horizon, it was a bit unclear to see. There were nothing but rolling hills across that strange, hand-drawn sky, and the further they got out, the less the grass looked like grass and more like crayon lines. Shade cast over Jun’s form, and he looked up to see that he was sat beneath an apple tree. The leaves were purple and heart-shaped, and there were only a few apples born from the branches. One a bright red that looked almost orange, another a deep maroon, one across from that one that was a pretty green...And the one nearest to Jun, hanging right above his head, was an unnatural blue.

“...Are you awake yet, nyan?”

Jun nearly jumped out of his skin the moment he heard the voice that had woken him up, looking all around him but finding no source. He stood up and searched further still, walking around the tree but still finding nothing. Unsettled, Jun wrapped his arms around himself and found his gaze being brought back to the deep blue fruit.

“What the hell is goin’ on,” Jun murmured to himself as he approached the area where he sat before. Instead of finding his place back in the ground, however, he found himself fixated on the branch that was now within his reach. Raising his hand, Jun’s fingertips were just barely out of reach from the bottom of the blue apple, the veins of the fruit a yellowish shade that reminded him of amber. If he jumped, he could easily grab it and tug it down—

“...Are you sure you want to do that, nyan?”

“Okay, where the _fuck_ are you?” Jun dropped his hand entirely, shock running up his nerves and filling him with as much dread as rage.

“...I’m right here, nyan.”

The gentle, familiar voice that kept surprising Jun sounded far too innocent for how sneaky it was acting. Turning away from the tree entirely, he stared out at the scribbled-in sky and found that the bright blue had been joined in with green clouds and an orange sun that shone a bit too brightly on the scene. So bright that it was blinding, forcing Jun to turn away entirely, once again facing the thick brown bark. A flash of white appeared on one side, and then again on the other. Jun stared closely and realized after a moment it was tail, a long one at that, with a fluffy tip at the end. The tree...grew a tail?

No, that wasn’t right either. Looking closer, Jun could see the edge of a silhouette hiding behind the tree. Dressed mostly in black—actually, it was a familiar black suit, wasn’t it? The shape, that hem, and the white pants, that was Eden’s unit costume, wasn’t it? Lifting his eyes, he could now see silvery white locks of hair flowing down across the figure’s back and over his shoulder. A pit formed in Jun’s stomach, getting far too clear of a picture of who he was talking to now. An all too easy to recognize orange-red eye leaned out to meet his own amber, along with...a round, cat-shaped ear twitching on the top of the man’s head. No, two of them; two cat ears that blended in seamlessly with the god-like figure’s magnificent mane of hair.

“Nagi-...senpai?” That was definitely Nagisa, no ifs, ands, or buts. His gorgeous face was recognizable as ever, especially paired with those red eyes that seemed to look through Jun as though he were transparent. Despite that, he still felt he had a hard time recognizing the man. After all, since when did he have cat ears or a tail? If they weren’t real, then whatever was used to make them fit so seamlessly with his hair was unbelievable, especially with how they twitched and moved on their own. No...Those had to be natural, somehow.

“...Titles are meaningless things constructed by humans to separate us from one another,” the figure spoke in a speech Jun was fairly certain he’d heard before. “...If you wish to continue to call me that, I won’t mind, but I would prefer it if you treated me as your equal. We are of the same family, after all.”

Jun had _definitely_ heard this speech somewhere; it might have been when he first met Nagisa, in fact. The moment where Jun was forced to recognize that the person Hiyori wouldn’t shut up about wasn’t just some over-hyped, probably very good but still human idol. No, he was a god, or at least very much like one. Too distant from humanity to connect, too obsessed with it to accept that. A god-like being that appeared out of nowhere at age ten, perfectly trained to be an idol, while Jun struggled his whole life to get where he was. Needless to say, the jealousy that mixed with his admiration muddled his feelings towards the man for far too long.

The words the other spoke stuck out hard to Jun now. Family? Why _had_ Nagisa referred to him as such when they first met? It wasn’t like Nagisa was free from jealousy either, probably. He always noticed how longingly the senior looked whenever Hiyori played with Jun at Eden practices, and it never failed to instill the fear of god within the junior. That was their relationship, from the moment they met, divided in their love for someone who wanted both of their attentions at all time, not caring for how the other two might feel about it. How could that be anything like family? Because they forgave each other despite the twisted knots in their chests? Jun didn’t even give his own father that kind of leniency.

“...Jun is thinking something sad.”

Snapping out of the thought train, Jun looked back up at the tall figure stepping out from behind the tree. The ridiculous looking cat ears and tail remained attached as ever to the god-like figure’s body, enough to the point that they began to look natural on him. Almost like a lion, or at least carrying the majesty of one.

“...Are you angry with me?”

“No,” Jun replied weakly, eyes falling again, down to the softly swaying grass below. “It’s as much my fault as anyone else’s that I’m feeling this way right now. I wanted something so badly that I didn’t care if I was taking it from someone else. I’m always so selfish and cruel, no wonder I’ve always been alone.”

“...I don’t think you’re any of those things,” Nagisa refuted gently, his quiet voice further tightening the knot in Jun’s chest.

Jun looked back up and saw Nagisa was walking closer, stopping the moment their eyes met. The sunlight’s rays, shining brightly upon Jun’s back, were obstructed by the junior’s form. Nagisa, stood in the shadows of the tree’s leaves, received no such light at all. Despite the warmth beaming down onto Jun’s spine, a chill ran down it and the guilt continued to pile up.

“...Do you believe I hate you?” Nagisa asked the question so naturally, genuine wonder in his voice.

“...It’d be a lot easier if you did,” Jun admitted, “that way, I would at least know how you felt. I can’t tell with the way you are if you feel malice or pity, and I don’t feel like I’m deserving of the latter.”

“...I see,” Nagisa spoke, disappointment ringing loudly in the entirely quiet world. “...It makes me sad to hear that. I’ve always wished to be closer with you, to help in making you shine as brightly as Hiyori-kun believes you’re capable of. I want to see the sparkling idol that you wish to be, as well.”

“Why?” Jun asked, clenching his fists. “Why would you want that? Why would you even want me in your life? I’m just some stray who got picked up by the person who matters the most to you, and I just keep gettin’ in the way, don’t I? Why were you tryin’ to reconcile me an’ Ohii-san’s fight? What would you gain from that? Wouldn’t it be better for you if I just disappeared from your life altogether?”

“...No,” Nagisa shook his head, though Jun was too wrecked enough by the apologetic sounding voice alone to try and meet the man’s eyes. “...I wouldn’t want that at all. I’m grateful to have met you, Jun. I’ve always wanted to grow closer to you, because I feel like I can understand myself a little bit better when I do. I’m sorry I can’t do the same for you, I wish I knew how to properly return what it is that you do for me.”

The tears that Jun had been trying to hold in could no longer stay closed off behind the walls of his eyelids. They flooded out and formed puddles in the grass below, enough to sink the soles of his bare feet in mud. Black-clad arms with red wrists reached out towards him, in a position Jun recognized too well. If the wrists had been green, he’d expect them to move without hesitation and embrace him in a suffocating heat. These ones instead stilled entirely about halfway into their journey. A painful memory flashed into Jun’s mind, seeing this exact pose coming from these same hands and rejecting it entirely. Why had he done that?

“...Do you not wish for me to be in your life?” Nagisa asked. “...Do you wish for me to disappear out of it?”

“No!” Jun shouted out, louder than even he expected. “No, don’t go. Don’t...You hardly feel real to begin with, but I can’t imagine a world without you in it. It’s me, I’m the one out of place here, not you.”

“...That’s not true,” Nagisa refuted, bringing his arms closer. Jun remained still, glued to their shape and tracing the lines in Nagisa’s palms. They were identical to the ones on Jun’s calloused ones, only mirrored. “...This place was made for you, Jun. You were brought here to become something more than what you came into this world as. This paradise was made for you to walk within. I want for you to accept that, and allow for the two of us to unite and grow stronger thanks to knowing each other.”

Jun finally looked up, the tears stopping briefly enough to see Nagisa’s brightly smiling face looking at him as if he were a prized jewel. Despite being obstructed from the sun’s light, the man himself shone with a brilliance that could only be seen in the shadows he stood within. Jun hiccuped, and suddenly his feet moved on their own as he threw himself deeper into the shade as Nagisa caught him in his arms. Strong arms, ones that embraced him fully without desire to let go or fear of being pried away. Jun rested his tear-strained face against a firm chest that accepted him entirely, and a soft, cool hand ran itself through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” Jun murmured as his hands gripped the fabric around Nagisa’s shoulders tightly. “I’m sorry for being like this. I want to sing and dance with you, Ohii-san, and Ibara for the rest of my life. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to feel like I don’t belong next to you anymore, Nagi-senpai. It hurts. I hate feeling like my existence is a burden on you. I don’t want to be defined by you as the person who took your family away.”

“...You’ve never been that, Jun,” Nagisa soothed, his embrace cool and calming as Jun always imagined it to be. “...From the moment we met and signed the same contract, we became family. That’s what I’ve always wished to be with you, Jun.”

It still confused him greatly, but at the same time, Jun was grateful. Grateful he wasn’t being rejected, grateful that he was wanted exactly where he was right now...Wherever that really was. It didn’t matter, he supposed. Nagisa was holding him like it was the most natural thing in the world, and Jun didn’t want it to end.

“...Nagi-senpai,” Jun mumbled, voice muffled from its position against Nagisa’s chest, “your tail is kinda ticklish when it rubs against the back of my leg like that. Actually, why do you even have a tail?”

“...Why wouldn’t I?” Nagisa returned.

“Uh,” Jun blinked, eyes drying completely from the strange question. “I mean, you’re human, and humans don’t normally have ears and tails.”

“...That’s because I’m not a human,” Nagisa answered, forcing Jun to look up and study the weirdly serious expression on Nagisa’s face as he spoke. “...I’m a cat.”

“E-Eh?” Jun blinked and pushed himself slightly out of the tight hug, if only to try and get a better look at his senior’s expression that refused to budge. “What’re you talking about? You’re not a cat, Nagi-senpai.”

“...Yes I am,” Nagisa insisted. He let go of Jun and held his hands out in front of his chest, curling them up as if they were paws. “...I’m Nyagisa Nyan. If you’d like, I would like for you to refer to me as Nyagi-nyan.”

“Nyagi—“ Jun couldn’t even finish saying the name before breaking out into a sputtering laugh, keeling over with arms wrapped around his stomach. “N-Nyagi-nyan?!”

“...Nyan, you got it~” Nagisa cheered happily, waving his curled up hands.

“I don’t understand,” Jun coughed as he attempted to stop the giggles escaping him, “w-when did you become a cat?”

“...Should I ask you the same thing?” Nagisa returned, befuddling Jun enough to finally get him to stop laughing.

“Huh?” Jun furrowed his brow.

“...We are of the same family, after all,” Nagisa cryptically elaborated. “...Only, your kind can be mistaken for dogs when judged by looks alone. However, both lion and hyena come from the same feline genetic ancestry.”

“Ah,” Jun scratched his cheek, “so that’s what you meant. Well, I hate to break it to you, Nagi-senpa—er Nyagi-nyan, but I’m not really a hyena. That’s just what everyone calls me.”

“...Yes you are,” Nagisa insisted, his face once again far too serious. “...That wasn’t my tail you felt against your leg. That was your own.”

Suddenly all the warmth in the world seemed to fade as Jun, hesitant and slow, reached around his own body to check to see if what Nagisa said was right. A soft, fuzzy tail landed in his hand, and Jun’s spine went straight. He let go and immediately grabbed the top of his head, feeling a pair of protruding animal ears—hyena ears.

“What the fuck?!” Jun, too shocked to realize he was losing his balance, suddenly slipped on the mud below and began to tumble backwards down the hill.

“...! Jun!” The last thing Jun saw from atop the hill was Nagisa’s hand reaching out for him, unable to grab him in time.

Jun extended his hand back, oddly not hitting the ground yet. It was as though he were traveling in slow motion, Nagisa’s hand still in view but unable to be touched. Just like the apple earlier, Jun thought.

“...It’s okay, Jun,” Nagisa’s voice echoed, “I’ll come down and reach you.”

“What?” Jun’s eyes widened and a surge of vigor rushed through his body. “No...No, I’ll lift myself up and reach Nyagi-nyan on my own. I won’t let you bring yourself down because of me. I’ll reach up to meet you, I swear, Nyagi-nyan!”

“...I believe in you,” Nagisa solemnly relented, extending his hand out further as Jun did the same. Their fingertips could just barely brush now. “...Come reach me, Jun. I know you can do it.”

“I will,” Jun strained against gravity and bent himself forward as much as he could, “I’ll reach you...I won’t be left behind or fall from paradise like this. I’ll stay with all of you in Eden, just like I promised. I don’t wanna leave any of you, Nyagi-nyan.”

“...Mm, I’m happy to hear that.”

The sensation of a hand gently brushing itself through Jun’s hair felt out of place, considering the situation Jun was in, and it forced the boy to stir a bit. A blanket that had once been around his head was now slipped down to his shoulders, and the pillow he rested upon was slightly damper than he remembered it being. Ah, he’d fallen asleep at some point, hadn’t he?

Jun turned his head to see who was petting him and realized it was the very person whose voice he’d been dreaming about. His palm, cool and soft, felt all too pleasant to be touched by, enough to make his trembling heart accept the touch without question.

“He finally wakes,” Hiyori’s lilt bore the fear of God through Jun’s mind, snapping him fully awake and forcing him to turn over onto his back to see that all of Eden was in the room with him. Kohaku was nowhere in sight, and now that he thought about it, he never heard a lock when the boy left either. Instead, it was just himself, with his seniors sitting on each side of the bed while Ibara stood at the foot, staring at him directly.

Forcing himself to stop clinging to his blanket and gritting his teeth, Jun sat up fully and faced the other three in the room, watching him expectantly. Before he could open his mouth to speak, however, he felt a warm, squashy pair of arms embrace him fully. For once, he didn’t feel like pulling away.

“Oh, Jun-kun,” Hiyori sighed, “you know I detest fighting as it is, but a fight with you is really terribly heartbreaking. We’re two souls in one, after all, aren’t we?”

Jun looked down at his hands, knuckles white from how hard he was gripping the sheets below. Hiyori turned his head into Jun’s shoulder with a groan and clenched the sleeve of the junior’s shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Hiyori muttered, catching Jun off guard enough for the boy to lift his head. “I’m sorry for what I said. I went against your insecurities deliberately, and that wasn’t right of me. I completely lost my cool, and acted like a brat instead of your respectable older brother. It really was bad weather~”

“...Eh, it’s okay,” Jun shrugged, “I don’t have a lot of respect for you anyway.” Hiyori lifted his head and put on an obscenely adorable pout, only accentuated by how puffy and pink his cheeks were. Staring a little closer, he could see hits of red strain near Hiyori’s eyes, and that alone made Jun feel a bit relieved. “I’m sorry too, for acting even more like a brat. I acted really immaturely to some advice that wasn’t even trying to be rude. It wasn’t right of me to react that way.”

“Aha~ there, there, I understand,” Hiyori hummed with clear satisfaction as he pat Jun’s head. “Your princess forgives you with his big and loving heart. Aren’t you so happy to hear that~?”

“I most certainly am,” Ibara interrupted, letting out a deep groan as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s been one headache after another, it feels like. If we’re all finished here, I would like to be dismissed and go back to my desk to deal with the migraine inducers there.”

“Denied, denied!” Hiyori protested, relinquishing his grasp on Jun’s body and instead grabbing Ibara’s arm. The lithe man let out a hiccuping yelp as he was dragged onto the bed, sweating profusely while Hiyori held him down in a hug. “Oh, watch your mouth, won’t you, snake? I’m only hugging you, you should be delighted by such a thing!”

“I most certainly am _not_ ,“ Ibara struggled, the hug beginning to resemble more of a chokehold around his neck. “Release me at once, your highness! I—I can’t breathe...!”

“...Hey, Jun,” Nagisa kept his focus on the blue haired junior, as if what was going on at the other end of the bed wasn’t a concern. “...I wanted to ask you something. What exactly is ‘Nyagi-nyan’?”

The words Jun had nearly forgotten repeated back to him were like a horribly cold curse that enraptured Jun’s entire body, sending a wave of shivers that went straight down to his toes. He turned his head slowly towards Nagisa, struggling to figure out how to even speak when the two at the end of the bed somehow managed to pause their strangling play to butt in.

“Yes, I was curious of that as well,” Hiyori remarked, “tell me, you weren’t referring to Nagisa-kun as such, were you?”

“Such a name is unbefitting for his excellency’s image,” Ibara chided, “at least, as far as the public is aware. He is not someone who is perceived as cute, rather as someone who is to be feared and admired. I assumed Jun of all people understood that.”

“...?” Nagisa furrowed his brow, and Jun could only panic. Did Ibara _really_ have to bring that up?

“I-I don’t know what was going on either,” Jun defended, “it was just kinda weird. But, um, yeah, it was Nagi-senpai. He told me his name was...Nyagisa Nyan, and that he wanted to be called Nyagi-nyan. I get it even less than you guys.”

“...Is that so?” Nagisa tilted his head and then put his hands out before his chest, curling them up in a similar fashion to the Nagisa in Jun’s dreams. “...I’m Nyagi-nyan, nya~ nice to meetcha, nya!”

“That’s one too many nya!” Ibara exclaimed, flailing in Hiyori’s still scarily strong grip. “Your excellency should not be a cat, in any case! If we in Eden were to ascribe animals to ourselves for merchandise, I have always believed his excellency would best be suited as a dog. After all, in English, the word for dog and god are palindromes, and they are very loyal and obedient creatures~” Ibara pushed up his glasses as he said the last bit, doing little to hide his intent with the phrasing.

“...I see,” Nagisa closed his eyes and then reopened them, assuming the same position as he had before. “...Then that would mean I’m Nagisa Wan, or Nagi-wan if you like, wan~”

“No, no,” Hiyori huffed and dragged Ibara a bit closer to the other two, “that’s not right at all~ Nagisa-kun is an independent human, after all, he needs an animal that represents his free spirited nature. I’ve always thought he would be best as a rabbit for that very reason. A floppy eared one at that, wouldn’t they just look precious laying down like his hair~?”

“...I’m Nagi-pyon, pyon~” Nagisa raised his hands above his head and flapped them like bunny ears, the pink blush on his cheeks prominent thanks to his big smile.

Jun couldn’t take it anymore. Grasping his stomach, the giggles poured out to a painful degree as they shook his body to its core. He curled up on his side, the same side that Nagisa was on, and that only left him vulnerable to further attack.

“...Mm, it seems my character in everyone’s head is jumbled up,” Nagisa mused as he lowered himself until his head was parallel to Jun’s meeting his eyes fearlessly. “...Jun, which do you like best?”

“W-Why‘re you asking me?” Jun attempted to say between gross, snotty chortles that could not be stopped even if he tried.

“...Because I like to think Jun sees me as clearly as he sees himself, just as how I feel about Jun,” Nagisa answered, his serene smile breaking through Jun’s laughing fit and sobering the boy up. Instead, he felt a sudden chill as goosebumps lined up his arm.

“...Eh?”

“Nagisa-kun?” Hiyori’s lilt grew higher than ever. “What was that, Nagisa-kun? Why would you ever say that? Isn’t it me that you understand best? We share the same heart and mind!”

“Y-Yes,” Ibara gasped, his voice clearly strained and his face starting to turn purple, “that is the basis...For Adam and Eve...Can’t...Breathe!!”

Hiyori let go Ibara unceremoniously and quickly placed himself directly in-between Jun and Nagisa, wrapping an arm around each and whimpering pathetically. Usually whenever this happened, Jun couldn’t even look Nagisa in the eye. Now though, he was unable to tear his gaze away from the senior’s unbelievably beautiful face that forgave his existence with just his smile alone.

“Uuu,” Hiyori whined, “stop looking at each other and pay attention to me already~ Ibara-kun, help me—Ibara-kun?”

“...Ah, he passed out,” Nagisa noted, pressing his foot against Ibara’s leg and hearing a snore escape the junior’s mouth. “...You must have been choking him for too long.”

“I was _not_ choking him,” Hiyori denied, “I was giving him my love, he’s just too stubborn to accept it! Anyway, if he won’t love me, then you two simply must. Just make sure it’s me and that you don’t accidentally misdirect your attention, okay~?”

Jun couldn’t help but let out a softer chuckle than the ones he’d been coughing out before, resting his head snuggly on Hiyori’s warm shoulder. Nagisa mirrored the action, as though he knew the area well enough to move there by instinct. Jun went to move his hand over Hiyori’s heart as he usually did, and Nagisa did the same, likely for the same reason. Rather than either back away, however, they both met in the middle and Jun’s own chest pounded as Nagisa placed his palm over the back of Jun’s hand, squeezing down. Hiyori let out a whimper of dissatisfaction, but didn’t budge. For now, the three could stay as they were, not separated but united like they were always meant to be.

And maybe once Ibara woke up, they could make sure the same applied to him too.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh this one is kinda...all over the place, huh? I amused myself while writing it so that’s what counts.
> 
> Twt: @nagisenpai


End file.
